First Line Review: Which Indie Books Earned the Next Page?
First Line Review: Which Indie Books Earned the Next Page?
Every reader has a different point where they decide whether to keep reading a book. Sometimes it's the first chapter. Sometimes it's only a few paragraphs. And sometimes, it's the very first sentence.
In my First Lines series, I put that theory to the test by opening a selection of indie and self-published books and judging them solely on their opening pages. These are all books that have been submitted to me for review. But with so many arriving in my inbox, I don't have time to read every single one. The first page often determines which books make it onto my reading list.
For this round, I looked at five more novels to see which ones immediately grabbed my attention—and which ones raised a few concerns.
The Vampire's Gift
The first book immediately tells readers they're in the middle of a battle.
The opening line reads:
"I screamed in pain as the spear stabbed between my plate armor through my gambeson and into my abdomen."
There's plenty happening here. We know we're in first person, we know the narrator has just been seriously wounded, and it's easy to assume we're in some kind of medieval fantasy setting.
One word slowed me down a little: gambeson. If you're familiar with medieval armor, you'll probably know exactly what it means. I had to pause and think about it before continuing.
My biggest concern wasn't actually the sentence itself—it was the presentation.
The formatting looked rough, with no visible paragraph indents and a wall of first-person narration. I also didn't notice any dialogue early on, which is something I personally look for because it often signals that the story is moving through an active scene rather than spending too much time inside a character's thoughts.
Verdict: The opening action is strong enough that I'd keep reading, but the formatting and lack of dialogue would make me cautious.
Sufferborn
This fantasy novel had an interesting title and included one feature many epic fantasy readers love:
A map.
I'll admit something that might surprise fantasy fans—I rarely spend much time studying the maps at the beginning of books. They're beautifully made, but I usually jump straight to the story.
The prologue begins with:
"A spasm shot through the Daghanahen's body."
Something bad is clearly happening, even if we don't yet know exactly what.
Unlike the previous book, this one immediately looked professionally formatted. There was already a bit of dialogue visible, and everything felt clean and easy to read.
Those minor details make a surprisingly big difference when deciding whether to continue.
Verdict: I'd definitely keep reading.
Unborn
This was easily my favorite cover of the group.
It looks polished, professional, and exactly like something I'd expect to see on the shelf of a bookstore.
Chapter One opens with:
"The bright neon lights of Prague held no interest for Bernard."
Immediately we have:
- A location.
- A named character.
- A question.
Why isn't Bernard interested in Prague?
The writing quickly moves toward dialogue, suggesting the story is beginning naturally instead of stopping for pages of exposition.
At this point in the review, if I had only been allowed to choose one book to continue reading, this would have been my front-runner.
Verdict: Strong opening and my favorite first impression of the five.
Keepers of the Dawn
Fantasy readers are certainly spoiled when it comes to bonus material.
This book includes pronunciation guides, maps, poems, and additional world-building before the story officially begins.
That can be fun for readers who love diving deep into fictional worlds, although personally I skip ahead until I reach the actual story.
The prologue starts with:
"The old man slowly rose from his elbows and reached up to remove his hat."
It's a quiet opening rather than an explosive one, but nothing about it discouraged me from continuing.
Chapter One begins with an image I liked much better:
"The three-year-old watched as the red sparks slowly ascended the night to take their place among the stars."
That's a memorable visual.
At first, I wasn't even sure whether I was reading fantasy or science fiction. The imagery works for either genre, and it immediately made me curious about what those sparks actually were.
Dialogue appears shortly afterward, another point in the book's favor.
Verdict: I'd continue reading.
Overload Flux
The final book leans fully into science fiction.
One thing I noticed was something I've started seeing more often: instead of jumping directly into Chapter One, the sample includes a short description or introduction to the story before the novel begins.
The opening sentence reads:
"Their footsteps echoed in an empty corridor of Recordia's planetary spaceport."
This does exactly what an opening sentence should.
It establishes the setting, gives us movement, and immediately places readers inside the scene.
Although there isn't much dialogue right away, the story appears to focus on action rather than lengthy world-building, which helps maintain momentum.
Verdict: Another opening I'd happily continue reading.
What Makes Me Choose a Book?
Reviewing the first pages has taught me that my decision rarely comes down to just one sentence.
Instead, I'm looking at several things together:
- Does the opening make me curious?
- Are we entering an actual scene?
- Is the formatting clean and easy to read?
- Does it avoid overwhelming me with exposition?
- Do I believe the story is moving somewhere interesting?
The first line matters, but so does everything surrounding it.
Even great writing can lose readers if the formatting makes the page difficult to read.
Final Thoughts
This was another enjoyable group of indie books, and several of them made strong first impressions.
For me, Unborn stood out as the clear winner of this batch. Between the professional cover, clean formatting, and intriguing opening centered on Bernard in Prague, it was the book that most made me want to keep turning pages.
The others all had strengths as well, whether it was exciting action, compelling fantasy settings, or strong science fiction atmosphere. A couple raised minor concerns about formatting or pacing, but none of them immediately convinced me to put the book down.
That's ultimately what these First Lines reviews are about. A first sentence doesn't have to be perfect—it simply has to earn the next page.
If you're an indie author and you'd like your book featured in a future First Lines video, send me your book information. I always enjoy discovering new stories, and you never know—your opening sentence might be the next one that completely hooks me.
What makes you keep reading a book? Is it a shocking first line, an interesting character, great dialogue, or simply a compelling atmosphere? Let me know in the comments! 📚👻